On My Fervent Desire to Integrate My Personal Goals with The Company’s Goals

I am daydreaming about visiting the corporate, about living among them and studying their ways. Their language is a derivative, a pidgin of our own English, so I feel I have a connection to them, as foreign as they are.

I would like to get some sort of Pew Grant for this work. Pew, if you are out there, call me.

Here is an awesome email I received today:

New to our goal setting process this year, we will be aligning our individual performance goals with how they support our broader organizational priorities.  You will see this change reflected in your SuccessFactors form as you write your 2013 goals. Launched last year,our goals articulate our shared priorities across the entire enterprise: Student Success, A "Great Place", Continuous Transformation, and Shared Values.  As we have been discussing, the strategic goals of the company directly support these goals.  This is true of our individual goals as well.  

I CAN NOT WAIT to align my individual performance goals with the goals of Student Success, A Great Place (god bless you, home team, and your consistent and brave rejection of parallel structure. Only in this lexicon could "A Great Place"" be a goal) Continuous Transformation (Hearkening back to your guiding principles from Charmain Mao, who insisted on a continual state of revolution) and my very favorite "Shared Values."  

I don't know which value to share first. Should it be profit? Or worker dehumanization? I really like asinine generalized optimism, but I think everyone else is going to be doing that one, and I want to be original. 

Readers, what values do YOU think I should share with the company? (Just kidding, I know no one reads this.)