Monday, November 7, 2011

Amateur

The glowing review that we got for Pardon My Invasion referred to us as amateurs, which hurt some feelings in the cast. I can understand why they're insulted by what might be a misnomer in intention, but in my case it is totally accurate.

I am such an amateur.

The word comes from the same root as "amour" and it meant, originally "lover of" and then somehow evolved to designate someone who is not "professional."

Etymologically, the opposite of pursuing something as your career is loving it.

I'm happy that the designation exists. Theatre isn't my job. My job is that other thing I do. The one where occasionally I have to cry in the stairwell eating tiny snickers bars because I'm powerless before and meaningless to the people who sign my paychecks. I'm not a lover of it.

Precisely because theatre is not my *job,* I don't ever have to feel so small and powerless when I do it. I work in the expansive terms of a glorious amateur.

I reject the notion that getting paid to do something is what makes it real, or what makes you a real practitioner of it. It's fully possible to make a financially stable career of loveless crap. Probably much more possible.

And what's the real insult? You're not "professional," meaning that it's not your source of income, or there's no passion in it?