"Drink Me"

Ooh, ooh, ooh, down in the hole. That is where I'm going in this probably brief moment where everyone is talking about men's rights and misogyny. It is affording me many opportunities for ladyshrinking.

Because every time I read one of these #yesallwomen posts from women that validates my experience, I feel a little better.

And every time I read one from the men who don't get it or the men who support the killer, it gets a thousand times worse and I shrink, shrink, shrink. Because I remember who makes reality.

I am like Alice in Wonderland in the room with the doors.

There are too many stories. About every time some guy came around and stole some part off of me. Casually. And I didn't tell anyone. Because the stories are languageless and untellable.

And once you say it, they are sure to say. "What's wrong with a compliment?" or "He just liked you" or "poor guy."

The explaining is the worst part. The part where you try to tell him is the worst part. He has a very rational argument. About. Why it wasn't what you thought it was.

In these response articles I can't stop reading, I do not feel like I am eating the "eat me" cake and growing to be a giant. I am drink, drink drinking the drink me potion. And feminism seems like a silly fad and a flimsy shield for a person who is tilting and windmills. He has a very rational argument. About. Why there are no giants.

Moving my leg over on the bus every time he touches it, but being too polite to get up and change my seat.

Shutting my book and answering his questions with sadsack wit which matters not at all because I am still talking to him.

Checking every subway car for women and children.

Sleeping in my tent with mace in my hand. (They would say "you're biking all that way by yourself?" and what they mean is "someone's likely going to rape you.")

Checking the surrounding campsites for women and children.

Biking in long pants because the shorts made me choke on fear too much to pedal.

Stuck next to him on a plane for 8 hours.

Pretending that I don't speak English. Or pretending I don't speak Chinese.

Being stuck behind the counter at the ice cream shop and staying late, sneaking out the back to make sure he didn't follow me home.

Checking the surrounding area for women and children.

My ex boyfriend boyfriend in college said of women who were too emotional that they "needed a deep dicking."

Trying to spare his feelings

Giving fake numbers

Dodging hands, more often cringing under them

When I gave the curtain speech for the festival, someone told his friend I looked like I needed to get laid.

My ex boyfriend in high school got the guys to write "slut" on my locker

The drunks on 2nd street offer you a "free mammogram" and there's no, just no answer that gives your power back

It's every day, it's anywhere, it's any time.

Put your head down and keep walking