Keep Mardi Gras

This Tuesday has been Fa-a-at. I had two hot dogs and thing of cheese fries, or really, cheez fries, for lunch, then I had, like, half a box of Godiva chocolates. Yesterday, I ate all seven servings of a seven-serving bag of this devil popcorn called “Chicago Style” where half of it is covered in cheese and half of it is covered in caramel. Tonight, I plan to eat the contents of an Afghan restaurant, drink red wine, and then eat a choco-pot alone.

I will do all of this in the name of religious practice. For this is FAT TUESDAY!

Jesus: "Let's run some kale through the
 juicer and read a play!

And I am really glad. Because for a week, I have been eating whatever I want to celebrate the free-for-all eating period between Chinese New Year and Lent. And the thing about whatever I want is that I don’t want it.

But someone does. Someone INSIDE me. I assume this being is Satan.

I think Satan is probably misdepicted as a red dude with horns and a pitchfork. My satan is, like,  a super emotional undisciplined teeenager. Maybe that is why I’m so scared of them.

I have been trying to get pleasure out of eating all kinds of crap- cookies, cake, cheese, cheez, coffee &c for these past few weeks, and I guess there is a KIND of pleasure in it. It is good against my tounge for sure. But the eating is pretty absent of actual pleasure. Which is disappointing. It is hard to ramp up a good “but I deserve X” narrative without the belief that the food is a real reward.

Satan is all “YOLO! I worked hard today! I deserve a brownie!” And instead of being like “yeah!” I’m like, ugh, OK, well if it will make Satan happy. Then I eat a brownie and Satan is happy. And I’m sad. Also, bloated and sleepy.

Satan: "Let's get Starbucks and spend
two hours on facebook!

Satan has had free reign on the eating since Chinese New Year, and without rules, I haven’t had much ability to resist her. Which is weird, since the rules are mostly arbitrary and made AND enforced by me. For some reason, though I can only enforce them when they are connected to a particular practice, like the diet, or lent. And right now, lent feels like a huge relief, that I am very excited about,  which is also weird, because there was nothing stopping me from NOT eating cheese fries today.

Nothing except Satan.

I cannot shake Satan, I have to live with her. She is in my custody, and in that way that happens when you are responsible for a teenager, I am in hers. I have to live with her. And that means indulging her sometimes, not all the time, but sometimes, because otherwise it would be cruel. Even if brownies are not good for us, we should get one every once in a while. They are delicious and the kind of good they are is not good for my well being but a good that is part of life.

The thing with teenagers is, you have to set boundaries. If you tell them “never do this” they are probably just going to defy you secretly. But if you tell them “there are appropriate times to do this” maybe, over time they will grow up and make better decisions.

You got to keep the devil down in the hole.