Chris' Assignment #3: 20 Lines on Versailles

1. Bienvenue!
2. It’s only sprinkling.
3. The palace of Versailles boasts more than 100 separate rooms.
4. The wait from the palace gate to the entrance is about 2.5 hours on a weekday, and 3 to 5 hours on a week-end.
5. Marie Antoinette kept half her shit in here.
6. The audioguide is available in Japanese.
7. “Paint everything!” She is believed to have said.
8. “Murals on everything!”
9. Notice the rising sun, which was the symbol of Louis the 16th.
10. A scrub-it-down plastic-table Dutch food restaurant with laminated English menus is available next door for your convenience.
11. “Zee ceiling, too!”
12. Put a man in a three hour line, doesn’t matter the nationality, he’s either going to slump over and disappear or he’s going to proclaim shit with jollity for the entire journey, for all men are, in their secret hearts, stand-up comedians.
13. “Get a fucking detailed mural of rich people and zeir silky hounds on zee ceiling, stat!”

14. 

    Versailles: Dizzyingly, Opulently Boring

    This king had a special kind of chair he liked which you may now look at.
15. If you become lost or disoriented while in the palace, follow the endless succession of gilded rooms with gilded molding and draped in faded tapestries until eventually life becomes a pale blue taffeta and tassled blur devoid of any meaning.
16. Although the so-called “Sans-culottes” or “pantsless” did not truly dig this joint, no information is available regarding why.
17. Germans are a trim and they efficient looking people, they carry their items in white fannypacks and they wear tennis visors to keep the sun off of their faces and tame their hair, which is already tame.
18. “I command you to cover it in gold!”
19. You will find that taking a photo is a kind of doing something, and that it is now possible to take a photo with your cellular phone.
20. “Inspect zee palace,” she commanded from out her noble mouth, “and If you discern any variance in zee colour, style or subject matter of zee murals or tapestries, I will torture and kill zee artisans!”